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Month: November 2016

Sensitive vs Blunt

BLUNT: saying or expressing something in a very direct way that may upset some people

SENSITIVE: easily upset by the things that people think or say about you

These two personality traits are often at odds with each other in a relationship. Someone who is particularly sensitive is often offended by someone who is blunt. Someone who is blunt is often unable to understand why the sensitive person feels hurt. The blunt person will talk about the 8,000 lb gorilla in the room like they would talk about a house plant. The sensitive person will take a very different approach, often not talking about said gorilla at all.

People with higher IQs or those predisposed to logical thinking in their daily life are usually more blunt than those who do not deal with logical thinking daily. These blunt people deal with facts and figures where there is little to no emotion. They interact with computers and machinery that don’t care what your emotional state is. These people often start to become as emotionless and insensitive as the machines they work with.

Sensitive people on the other hand often gravitate towards jobs that deal with people all day. They often interact on a more emotional level. Dealing with personal problems, marketing, or some other non-scientific field. I think Mary Evans did a decent job articulating what it feels like to be a sensitive person, interacting with her brother who is a genius (and I would imagine blunt person) in this Quora post [edited by me, and emphasis added by me]:

… the most common denominator in every interaction – socially, intellectually, and emotionally – is objectivity.

They are able to distinctly identify the source of their thoughts, motivations, and behaviors (if it is coming from emotion, contemplative thought, or past experiences), giving them a higher capacity to choose which information is “true”. Most, then also have an elaborate method of testing information against reality before accepting it as truth.

I could have a conversation with them about any life event, and it would be taken with objectivity. I never feel judged, but I am expected to be able to defend my beliefs. (I find the opposite to be true, sensitive people often feel judged because they’re asked to defend their beliefs.)

For me, the impact was feeling constantly invalidated. As an emotional person, my feelings were rarely validated, they were instead “considered”. I think this is the root of most major relational issues for people with high levels of intellectual capacity. Most people relate on an emotional basis, attempting to manipulate each other using poorly crafted logic based on feelings and personal needs. This type of relating simply is ineffective when interacting with people who have high IQs. They don’t understand it. It quite literally makes no sense to them. Not that they don’t understand or feel emotions, they just may not understand how or why those feelings are relevant to the current conversation or interaction.

As a blunt/logical person myself, it is often hard to communicate with people who are sensitive/emotional. When I engage in a conversation, I thrive on logic. If your emotions don’t seem logical to me, then I want to pick apart the argument until I understand why you’re feeling the way you do. This “picking apart” often hurts people and makes them feel like they’re being judged and their feelings not validated. In truth, the contrary is true: I’m working to understand your feelings so that I can validate them because the fact is you’re feeling them. I will often try to relate a time when I was feeling a similar emotion to see if that resonates. This too can be seen as insensitive or invalidating because I’m putting words in their mouth. Again, I’m simply trying to relate.

In closing, I’ll leave you with this list of 14 things to know about dating a blunt person from Pucker Mob. I think it’s pretty spot-on, but with all things dealing with people, personalities, and emotions; your milage will vary.

  1. A blunt person will stand up for you. — If someone is bothering you at the bar, your boo will be up in that assh*le’s face, telling them to get the f*ck back.
  2. And they’ll never tolerate any crap. — A blunt person doesn’t like to deal with whiners. They’ll tell you to shut up faster than you can blink. But that’s a good thing, because everyone could always use a little tough love.
  3. Blunt people don’t play games. They get straight to the point. — If they like you, you’ll know. As in, they will tell you that they like you to your face. And if they want to date you, they’ll make that clear and ask you out. Blunt people don’t like dealing with the “what are we?” nonsense.
  4. They’re not easily offended. — They’ll appreciate your honesty. That’s their best quality—being totally honest. So if you tell your partner that his half of the room is a trashy tacky dumpster heap, they’ll appreciate the feedback.
  5. But it’s easy for them to offend others. — If you’re dating a blunt person, you might want to warn your friends. Blunt people won’t give out compliments just to get people to like them. Sure, they’ll be polite to your friends, but they’ll also be real. Blunt people don’t change their personalities to accommodate to sensitive people.
  6. Sarcasm is their second language. — Blunt people mostly use sarcasm to deal with overly sensitive people who can’t handle the truth. Your bae will always have a sarcastic underhanded comment when talking to a moron. And you’ll have to help them bite their tongue, because they just can’t resist telling it like it is.
  7. They will never let you leave the house looking stupid. — If your new hairstyle looks ridiculous, they’ll be the first to let you know. But they won’t judge, because they want you to do the same for them.
  8. And they’ll always be honest and upfront about their emotions. — If you pissed them off, they’ll let you know why. And if you made them really happy, they’ll show their full appreciation. Blunt people will always tell you straight up how they feel about you and your relationship.
  9. You will always know what’s on their mind. — If your partner is staring off into space and you’re wondering what’s going on in their pretty little head, they’ll tell you. Blunt people aren’t the most enigmatic people out there, but at least you’ll always know what they’re thinking about.
  10. They’ll never try to drop hints when they want something. — Wondering what you should get your babe for their birthday? Just ask. And if they don’t really have anything in mind, that will be clear too. There’s no “Oh I don’t want anything…” but their laptop is left open with a million tabs for their gift registry.
  11. Blunt people give the best advice. — If you’re having problems with at your job or are fighting with your friend, your blunt beau will have all the solutions. But don’t expect them to take your side, because blunt people look at the whole situation and call it like they see it. If you’re clearly in the wrong, they won’t butter you up just to make you feel better. They’ll make you a stronger person.
  12. They’ll make you laugh—whether they intend to or not. — Sometimes the bluntness is just too real. Shots fired. You laugh because what they say is so true, and no one else has the balls to say it.
  13. You’ll always be on the same page. — There’s no “what are we?” when dating a blunt person. If they want to break up, they’ll do it. If they sense that you want to break up, they’ll call you out on it. And the parameters of the relationship will always be defined, because blunt people don’t like to waste their time in confusion for the sake of “taking things slow.”
  14. Blunt people keep it real. — No drama, no craziness, no fighting over misunderstandings. Tbh, dating a blunt person seems like the best way to go.